Janet's San Diego Scene, Part 2 -- from Mortgage Broker to Widow: Meagan

Showing posts with label Meagan. Show all posts

Meagan at Pasadena High, 1997

Meagan emailed that their football team was in the Division 2 playoffs and yesterday was the last home game and it was really fun. At halftime they had this contest where they picked someone to try to kick the football through the Y shaped thing at the end of the field to win a 20 inch color tv.

And they picked Meagan's name for the third person to try. The first one missed it. But the second guy did make it and so Meagan did not get to try after all. She said she was kind of glad not to have to try and kick it in front of that huge crowd. The guy who won was a soccer player. But she said it was fun to walk out there in front of all those. people and hear her name over the loudspeakers. Everyone mentioned it afterwards to her.

So fun experience for her. She has really enjoyed Pasadena High and it has been very good for her. It appears that Pasadena is like the schools in my day where they really support their teams and the students work hard at succeeding. Great school.

I wrote back to her how neat it was to be famous! I also told her that according to my genealogy work I found that Mary and John are the most common names followed by Elizabeth and Sarah. And I told her I saw her friend Sarah and she looked really cute but so thin. She is a vegetarian.

Anyway, then I shared with her that James' upline partner had rented a house up the hill from James, and Bandido liked to run up there and visit the little girl, but today all of them got out (Camber's two Labs) and ran away so we had to put the zap collars on them. It buzzes when they get to their boundary. Poor Bandido, he is so bewildered and looks so sad to be stuck at home. I am living at Jimmy's house, of course, so Bandido is adjusting.

I also told Meagan that she was the only one in our lineage with that name so I am sure everyone will remember the name.

I also gave her this advice. "As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it is leaning against the right building."

Rose Parade with Meagan, John's Condo in Pasadena, Frustration and Gloom 1998

January 1, 1998 I spent New Years Eve at John's condo while Meagan worked. John and I talked and he packed items. He is getting ready to paint his kitchen cupboards. He cooked pasta and I learned about South Florida Everglades and National Park. It was an enjoyable time.

In the Morning Meagan and I walked over to the Rose Parade. We had a good standing place and it started 10 minutes after we arrived. I loved the parade. I had never been there in person before. I thought the Asian girls were the prettiest. After the parade I brought Meagan home and enjoyed visiting and eating at Bagel Stop on the way. In the afternoon I sat and watched the Rose Bowl, Michigan won and I put all Christmas decorations away and then ate candied popcorn.

January 2, 1998 I was frustrated at work again. Just can't get enough done the way I want it. Why am I having such a hard time? Why am I so stressed and hating it so much? I have this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach all the time. Camber and I went to Pucks for supper and then to a movie about slave trading. It is hard to believe man can be so evil and cruel. It was enjoyable though, Camber is very smart and beautiful. Later I walked and ate candied popcorn again.

January 3, 1998 Meagan came over after I had a good day for a change, got a good start on what I wanted to do. We went shopping at Fashion Valley and Meagan found a great deal on 3 pairs of shoes and I bought her a sweater. We ate Cinnabons, cookies and candy!

January 4, 1998 I bore my testimony today but did not say anything I wanted to. But I did forget myself and focus on life, I want to find joy and love in all I do and forget petty feelings that are not good. I'm feeling positive and focusing on what is important. I think all of 7th Ward needs to get closer. Seems all are strangers, not just me. I need to find joy in the moment.

January 5, 1998 Dad's birthday. He was such a good man. Wonder if he and Richard see each other. I am enjoying reading Marvelous Work and A Wonder. Brigham Young in it a lot, I would enjoy teaching from the RS Manual this year I think.

January 18, 1998 It was another one of those very sad and lonely Sundays. I had to force myself to stay at Church. I did stay and Sharon and Doreen sat by me. I felt sorry for the RS lady teaching Brigham Young. She was having such a hard time. I still have not received a call. The Bishop walked right by me, doesn't know me at all. The ward is a big ward but I wonder why I am so insignificant. I want to believe the Lord loves me but I've lost everything and it doesn't 't seem I'll ever find warmth and happiness again. I do not know what to do. I wonder what will happen to Associated, I doubt anyone thinks I am needed. I am not needed anywhere it seems. I went out to the cemetery today. Bandido and I. I saw Kim Jensen's tombstone and the Castellano twin. I just sat on the tombstone next to Richard's after putting a rose in the vase and thought about everything. It is beautiful out there, but I am so alone. What is in store for me?

April, 1998 The cycle goes on, depressed, working to get undepressed. I enjoyed teaching a class in RS on Brigham Young, but they did not call me to be a teacher. I did not involve the class much but many told me what a good lesson it was.

I am now out of the mortgage business. Thank heaven. I am just doing data base, letters, paying bills, keeping books, etc. I think I will enjoy this.

I've been in the ward since July and still don't have a calling. It makes me feel bad that no one can see any value in me.

For about the last month Nadine has been walking with me in the mornings and I really do enjoy that. She has also gotten me into doing Memory Books and I am now doing a Christmas Book as well as Richard's. We also go to the movies!!! So without Nadine I'd really be lonely. She is the only person I have every helped convert (introduced her to the Church, took her to Relief Society and sent the missionaries)..about 30 years ago, she was my hairdresser. She would hear Margot and I talk under the dryers about what we were doing together and she began to ask me questions about the Church. She is a lot younger, divorced Mom with a child, who is an adult, now, of course. She also has her Mom in the same apartment building.

I just spent a week at Maria's. I do not feel lonely but I sense Maria is always ready to get on with other things. I do get invited to Linda's to do things occasionally and although I live at Jimmy's I really don't do much with them, though they probably feel the opposite.

I can see the longer I am alone the more the families will leave me to my own devices. John never calls or comes down but I do call him and Meagan occasionally. It is so hard to believe I lived a busy full life and now have nothing and no identity or worth. I need to get a life!!!!

I am not very fun to be around though, that is for sure.

May 10, 1998 Mother's Day and all is well. I read these back pages of my journal and cannot believe I have been so depressed. I have had fun fixing up my bathroom and a new office as James and Camber have also fixed up the home and it really looks nice. All is well. I've been asked to teach RS lesson and worry that I can't do it well. Nadine and I are looking for beach bikes to add to our walking. I have been feeling peace in my life. So glad to be out of the mortgage business. I'm happy about the little office and separate garage and my own back door. I am doing a lot of different kind of work for James and WMA and so far, so good!!

Meagan Graduates from South Pasadena High School, 1998

Meagan graduated from South Pasadena High School. She spent her last two years of high school and it was a very good experience for her.

Jennifer saved a seat for me and I was able to good pictures which I currently cannot find except for this one.

I had made her a graduation dress out of white pique and she said it was the prettiest one there.

Jennifer had Baby Marissa with her and she is darling. I hope Meagan has all those pictures and I hope I find them!!!

It was a very enjoyable time and I am so glad I was able to drive up to Pasadena.

I gave her a charm bracelet with the following poem:

A memory bracelet I give you, so you will not forget,
That you are loved and cherished by your own Grandma Janet.

The sun is to remind you of your roots near the sea,
Born and raised in La Jolla, what a wonderful place to be.

Christmas was always a special time, So I give you a Christmas Bell,
The joys and memories you gave me are too numerous to tell.

Of course, the piggy bank and penny is not too hard to guess,
It represents you and your thrifty ways, as opposed to mine I confess.

The Teddy Bear plays a dual role, of my Grandchildren you were Number One,
And then the trip to Yellowstone, with you, Kristi, and Grandpa were fun.

Graduating from high school in June, and then off to college in the fall,
Turning 18 in July, Yes, "98" will be an eventful year to recall!

The telephone represents the "office", where you learned to do "paperwork".

I loved our talks and time together, and you were never one to shirk.

The middle charm you'll have to discover, by flipping. the circle so fast,

Congratulations and best wishes, Meagan, may our closeness always last.

Unfortunately Meagan is not a fan of charm bracelets but I hope she likes the love from my heart I tried to show her.

And now she is on her own!!! A college girl, so hard to believe the time goes so fast. I am so glad John is a fan of education and that she is an excellent student, it will be a wonderful time for her, lucky girl!

We celebrate her birthday party at Linda's home.

My News About Lake Almanor to Meagan and Christmas 1998

Meagan is attending college at UCSD, Davis near Sacramento and we email quite often. I tell her all about finding the house I want to buy in Lake Almanor, Northern California!!

Lots of good information so I am saving it here.

I enjoyed the emails back and forth with Meagan while she was in college. I usually gave her a message for the day at the end.

One I certainly find to be true as I get older was this, "Middle age is when you have two choices and you choose the one that gets you home earlier."--Old age is when you have two choices also--TV or Bed!"

Christmas 1998

Christmas at Park City was so good. I enjoyed being with the grandchildren so much. We did tubing and ice skating and eating. I have not skied in years, too hard on my knees. I so appreciated the family being there. I did manage to get some pictures but not of everyone...duh.

Pix from their home

Surprised I could still skate with my old ankles. Skating was a big part of my life as a child and teenager...both roller skating as a child on the sidewalks, then roller skating as teenagers in the barn to music and ice skating every winter at the baseball field. Great memories of skating but no skiing.

They played a fun game here, kept having everyone change positions and then snap pictures. Who was snapping pix?????

The Start of a Good Life Again! Jacob Is Born-My Mother Passes Away 1999

January 6, 1999 I had two weeks in Utah. Cold in Park City and I stayed with Meagan and John. Wish I had made Meagan's Christmas better but we did have a tree and nice get together. John brought pies and rice jambalaya and polenta.

John looks good, lost weight. We had fun with Maria and Linda's families though Linda was having lots of car trouble.

Will a San Diego Bandido like the Snow???

The second week I went to Jeanne's and James and Camber brought Bandido up. I had a lovely lazy tine, helped feed and care for Mom some. She is sleeping so much now but her skin looks beautiful. Carole came down and Jeanne took us to a Club she belongs to. There were lots of nice couples with lovely lives and homes it appears.

I am having problems getting the loan from Washington Mutual. They want 3 years distance from my bankruptcy. I am sending copy package to Maria's bank and I sent one to Dr. W. I surely don't like taking care of all these things by myself. I am feeling uneasy and uncertain and eating lots of candy.

I talked to my realtor in Lake Almanor and told him I am determined to make it work. He says he is taking 10 days off and coming down to see me? I think he is just being nice. I like him very much as a person and friend but surely I am too old for anything else. A friend is nice anyway. He is feeling lonely and sad. I so want to be up there. It is so hard to figure this out by myself. Maria is being very helpful though and with all her experience I really appreciate that. Have not seen any money from M so probably they changed their mind.

I have had to get into all the old bk papers and it is hard to remember those terrible months after Richard died. Why did all this happen to me? I pray I find the peace and joy I am seeking.

January 8, 1999 Dr. W will not be a back up for a private loan. Too far away. I was so sure I could make this work but it does seem impossible. This is why I hate to want for anything, because then I get disappointed. I feel so alone and unable to deal with this. Dr. W never knew Richard had to do a bankruptcy because of that deal he tried to save. All I heard about was the problems Dr. W had with his money. Richard really took good care of him and he was a very good client for Richard. Why do some people have so much and some so little. Have I not worked hard? Richard said you have to work smart, not hard.

If WM won't do it or Tri Country, then I do not know what to do. What will become of me? I should have followed the fortune cookie advice and kept my plans secret instead of blabbing to the whole world and actually being happy for a change. I really thought Dr. W might say he would be my back up. Me, who never used to cry, now I cry all the time.

January 8, 1999 Washington Mutual just approved me for 8.5% for 3 years and then rolls into an adjustable--not bad for a 574 Fico!!! My loan officer said I must have been an excellent loan processor because I presented such good documentation. I feel so good, I thank my Heavenly Father for answering my prayers. I can proceed with my plans, maybe my "mission" is up in Lake Almanor.

January 16, 1999 I went to breakfast with Joanne, Doreen, Esther and Doris from 7th Ward. It was my "birthday" breakfast and I shared with them my plans to move. It was very nice of them all and I think they think I am crazy but wished me well.

Meagan brought me over three books for my birthday "to start me on my reading the Classics project". When I get all our stuff ready for the tax people, then I can start reading.

Frank S called and wanted me to work for him! Richard's good client Mr. L called and said he would be my back up on my house purchase and he would come and see me up there. Evidently it is a favorite fishing place of his. He said his children would not like it but he appreciated Richard so much he wanted to help me!!! Wow, I feel so happy, I can proceed without fear and know it can work!!!

January 31, 1999 I enjoyed going to the fireside honoring the new Stake President and release of the present one. I saw many of the people I had known from the stake and enjoyed talking to them. Jolene's husband had to get a pacemaker and has had more dementia, so hard for her. Seems we all have our problems. Enjoyed talking to Ed, his wife died in January 1996, such a good man, I really enjoyed working with him in Stake Primary.

I talked to Ray and then John, they are going to do a septic and clean up debris. I will have to take care of the rest after taking possession.

February 1, 1999 Feeling great joy and gratitude for everything and so excited about the new adventure. Just read through here and how my feelings have evolved over the last two years. I really feel a part of 7th Ward now and have enjoyed the people and teaching the Brigham Young lessons. They have all been so complimentary and say how much they will miss me. Diane told me they probably have never had a teacher as good as me at Lake Almanor. Note: I will find out that most all of the Clear Creek Branch are excellent teachers!!! Really outstanding!

Nadine and I have been eating out on Sundays and I have enjoyed that. She has been such a good friend, I will miss her a lot!!! The stake president's wife told me she admired how much I have grown since my original depressed state after my husband died. She said all people do not do that. I hardly know her but appreciated her observation. She said she appreciated my lessons and was very nice.

I certainly have come out of my depressed shell and have such a feeling of gratitude. I can't believe how much more confidence I have in myself, how beloved and happy I feel most of the time and how I fill my life with activity and don't mind being alone. I told Ed that I just need a laugh a day. I feel so right about this move.

February 2, 1999 Camber and Jimmy are at the hospital!!! They started Camber's labor because the heart rate of the baby slowed down. I have been praying all would be well. I had this terrible dream a few weeks ago. We were at a pool and everyone was dressed in white and a woman and a man (Richard?) were tossing a baby back and forth and the baby boy fell under the water too long and did not come up and I was so upset and could not do anything. I kept trying to get the man to help the baby up out of the water and it wasn't happening and I woke up so distressed.

I tried to put the dream out of my mind and I did until l went to the Temple and then it all came back to me so vividly and I have been praying ever since for Camber to have a good birth and all well with the baby. I was not sure what it all meant and I worry too much I know but now is the time and by morning we will know if all is well and now James called with this. I better pray some more.

John left a message on my answering machine that he would call in the morning.

February 3, 1999 James called and said they would be doing a Caesarean because of the cord around the neck. I drove as quickly as I could praying all the way. As I neared the Linda Vista road I saw the vision of Richard in my mind reaching down and pulling the baby up out of the water and I realized he had been trying to pull him up and now succeeded and I knew all would be well with the baby.

I got to the hospital and found where they were and a nurse told me to watch in the window and I would see my son bring the baby out. Sure enough he did. I went in a little later and saw him. A beautiful healthy son stretching and stretching. So thankful!

Jacob, a little older than a newborn. Such a cutie.

February 5, 1999 Mom passed away in her sleep. Jeanne was working and did not hear her make a sound. She had been eating less and less. It was a blessing. I had put her name in at the Temple on Thursday night along with Camber and James.

February 9, 1999 We had Mom's funeral at 11 today. Yesterday Jeanne and Marilyn and I went to the funeral home and dressed her in beautiful Temple clothes she had selected some time ago.