October 23, 1998--Wedding Anniversary so feeling sad and lonely. Certain people are always telling me what I should do. I have plenty to do, that is not the problem. Logically I should feel better than I do, logic has nothing to do with it and neither does prayer and reading the scriptures or going places--it's losing that support system, that person who makes you feel of worth--I am not finding that anywhere else.
I get so stressed--they are moving the mortgage business back into the office--I hope I don't have to have anything to do with it. They lost a lock I had in for Melinda this week but WMA is going to have to eat it, as far as I'm concerned.
Someone said they didn't understand why I should feel stressed and someone said I should have a sense a humor about it all. So much advice, so little really understanding, losing your husband, your home, your independence, your income is not an easy thing at 65 and the fact I have so little control over the work I am expected to do, it is so stressful.
November 5, 1998--Bandido has not been eating and been so mopey so I finally took him to the Vet. It cost me $365 before I got out of there, he has an infection and I have to give him a daily douche and a pill I am supposed to hide in his food but he carefully spits it out do matter how well I try to hide it. I try to put it down his throat and he always brings it up, so frustrating.
I tended the Pulsiphers while Linda and Gary went to Palm Desert for an Orthodontics Convention and I went over on Halloween night ( did nothing for Halloween) but the night before Camber had her little Sunbeams dressed in costumes and Scott and his wife were there and their baby was dressed like Raggedy Ann so I had to tell them about dressing Meagan as Raggedy Ann for her first birthday and they had to come and see my Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls that I have in my apartment at Jimmy's house.
The Pulsiphers came back with lots of candy and needless to say, I had plenty! We all went to church on Sunday and Kelly, Amy and then Tanner all bore their testimonies!!! They are all such good kids but I get very tired, you have to be a young parent to handle it all, I think.
Jeanne, my sister is the caretaker of my Mom and she has had pneumonia!!! I am sure she gets runs down with all the caretaking. And Mom is crying all the time because her bowels are uncomfortable, probably constipated. So hard to live so long and not have your body work right.
I have been having bad dreams again. Last night I had this very vivid dream of not being able to find any of my own clothes so I had to borrow my sisters. Then I dropped all my makeup on the floor and couldn't find it to finish and my hair was not done and I didn't find a mirror with enough light to work on it and I kept going from room to room and couldn't get ready and everyone body was waiting for me. I have this same kind of dream a lot, where I cannot get ready and everyone is waiting for me.
Camber's baby is due the end of January and she brought home a sonogram and the baby looks very big, really sprawled out, she has a very long uterus. Fun to see, they did not have those when I was having babies.